


i think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours

by gatsbyology



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 18:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatsbyology/pseuds/gatsbyology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you are so wonderful at making things sound pretty. when you sing or speak or even breath it's sparkling sunlight reflecting on water, an old fairy tale read aloud late at night, a storm cloud the moment before it opens up, it's beautiful, but what use is any of that when what you're saying would only make you look ugly to the rest of the world?</p>
            </blockquote>





	i think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours

you are so wonderful at making things sound pretty. when you sing or speak or even breath it's sparkling sunlight reflecting on water, an old fairy tale read aloud late at night, a storm cloud the moment before it opens up, it's beautiful, but what use is any of that when what you're saying would only make you look ugly to the rest of the world?

i am constantly searching for things that make me feel like i did when i had you, partly because i can never seem to find you anymore, and partly because it reminds me that there is still beauty in the world even so. every little bit of you in anyone i can find. curls, catching in eyelashes until i push them away because i need to see the green, always. eyes. and lips, pink pink pink, and the smile that loves to dance across them. happiness, bubbly and sweet and all-encompassing. fingers, long and warm and needing, wrapped around mine.

but mostly arms, mostly the holding. i've always required steadying. it's terrifying to know that i'm relying on such fragile pieces of what i've always needed, especially when i used to have the real thing. but i couldn't keep you knowing that i was hurting you, that i was destroying the absolute best part of you: the heart you wore on your sleeve. i gave the words that were on the path from your heart to your tongue the wrong directions so that they would slide back down your throat, because i didn't want you to regret them.

harry, i didn't let her in because i wanted to hurt you -- i let her in because i needed to stop hurting you. i thought maybe if i could find someone else's hair to run my fingers through, maybe if i could find someone else's eyes to look into, someone else's lips to smile against in the middle of a kiss, maybe if i was as close to her as i was to you, physically and mentally both, i could pretend. and then maybe you could let go.

it's not that i don't love you. i do. i love you when you're asleep, mouth parted, body curled around whatever it's nearest to (me?). i love you when you first wake up and your hair is a mess, your throat gravelly from sleep, cheek creased from the fabric in between your head and my heartbeat, skin illuminated by the gentle light streaming in from my bedroom window. i love you when you're tired, cute and irritable and so fun to tease. i love you when you're absolutely infuriated with me, and i love you when you can't control the tears that fall from your eyes and drip down my neck when afterwards you beg for forgiveness that you could never need (i could never hate you). i love you when you're peaceful, brows relaxed instead of raised, but a small smirk still occasionally gracing your features as you let your mind wander. i love you when i kiss you, on your hair, your forehead, your nose, your lips, your neck, your shoulders, your chest, and all the way down. i love you when you're thinking of me and you tell me you're thinking of me. i love you when you're closed off and refuse to speak until i manage to get a smile out of you. i love you when i have to remind you to do the simplest of things, like buy more milk or put another roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. i love you when you're joking around, dirty and hilarious. i love you when you're serious. i love you when you become unreachably lost in music. i love you, so much and always.

i just wish you didn't love me back. i wish i wasn't so protective of you and your music, your words, your breath. i wish i didn't have to be afraid of them being crushed when they found their way out into the narrow world. i wish i never felt the need to try to fall for her. but most of all i just wish i had you. right now it's impossible for me to find you again, and it's nobody's fault but my own. enclosed is map that, if used correctly, will lead you directly towards me.

please follow it carefully.  
boo


End file.
